With and by you always
by Charly Smith
Summary: They've waited this long, can they make it work now?
1. Chapter 1

For as long as she could remember, Kate, as she was when at home, had hoped she would one day feel for someone in the same way her mum felt for her dad. But it hadn't been something she had ever really believed would happen, and so when the right man came along, she hadn't even been able to take her head out of her work long enough to realise. Despite his sometimes, okay most of the time, cocky, over-confident attitude, Castle was the only man who had ever made her weak at the knees with only a look. She hadn't worked out why, but Kate was beginning to realise that maybe love, yes love, had no rhyme or reason. You can't know who you're going to fall in love with, no matter how much you may want to, and how much you want to protect yourself. She had to talk to Rick. He had said he would wait. Kate had a feeling he had waited long enough.

When they had first met, Beckett, as she had been at work, had been burdened with an arrogant mystery writer who wanted to tag along, supposedly to do research for a new book series. It didn't take him long to get under her skin, and for her to trust him with secrets she hadn't told anyone else, and to be honest, hadn't really banked on telling him. But this information hadn't ended up all over the internet, and he hadn't reminded her of it day in day out, he had just been there for her. Supported her when she had dug herself so deeply into her mother's case that she couldn't see her way out. When she needed help straightening things out with her dad. When she had been shot directly in the chest, and she hadn't wanted anyone there but him. She still managed to push him away then, but not this time. This time he needed to know that she needed him, and that without him in it, her life wasn't going to be anywhere near what she had hoped for.

He walked out, had said his goodbyes. Castle said that if she wasn't going to protect herself, he couldn't wait around and watch what happened. He loved her too much to see her hurt, and she wasn't going to let him in and love him back. But hanging off that ledge, all she could think about was him, his soothing voice, his calm blue eyes that lit up with each cheeky remark or every time they solved a case together, and his strong arms, that had he been there, would have been able to pull her out of harm's way. But he wasn't there, he hadn't been there, and that was no one's fault but hers.

She didn't give herself time second guess what she was about to do. She texted Rick, telling him she was coming over, that meant she couldn't chicken out. She jumped in the first cab and gave the driver the address of Castle's loft. He hadn't replied, was that a good or bad thing, she didn't know. If he didn't know she was coming, it wouldn't give him a chance to cut and run. Either way, she wasn't backing out this time. This time, before she left his loft, he was going to understand how she felt, even if he no longer felt the same way himself.

As she walked towards his door, and almost turned around, the wooden door was being opened to reveal a very tousled Castle. 'Sorry, did I wake you?'. 'No, well yes, but I'd just fallen asleep to a movie. That's all.' 'What do you want Beckett?'

The use of her last name stung Kate, it made her feel so detached from him. But she had hurt him so many times, she couldn't be surprised.

'Rick, I came to tell you something. Please let me finish, and then if you want to throw me out and never see me again, I'll understand. Just hear me out?' He voice was pleading, she knew, but she didn't care, she just needed him to hear her.

He didn't say anything, he just gave a sharp nod and walked back into his apartment gesturing for her to follow. He sat at his dining room table. Not on the couch where they had spent so many evenings watching movies, or in his office where he squirrelled himself away to write. The dining table was formal, it didn't have any emotions attached, it just was. She sat down gingerly on a dark wooden chair, covered in burgundy fabric. He looked at her expectantly, he wasn't going to say anything more, she knew this was up to her.


	2. Chapter 2

'I want to tell you something I've never told anyone. When my mum died, I felt myself putting up walls. Walls I have used to hide my emotions and thoughts from anyone outside, and walls I have never let anyone cross. But you, you got out axe and starting chipping away. The things I have told you about myself, I have never told anyone else. For the first time in my life, I wanted someone to know how I felt about my mum's murder and that I hate strawberry sauce on my ice cream. I wanted you to know. This is new to me, and it took me a little while to understand what was happening. But I need you Rick, I need you more than I ever realised I would need any one. You are the only person who can calm me down, pull me out of mum's case when I'm buried underneath it, and always manage to make me smile. I don't expect you to feel the same way anymore, but if by any chance you do, and are willing to give me a chance, I would be so so happy.

She had been looking directly into his eyes, she realised, as she finished what she was saying. She had gotten lost in those eyes again. She shook herself a little and bought herself back to reality. There was no emotion in Rick's eyes, she couldn't read what he was thinking. She searched for only a couple more seconds before brushing her fingers across his knuckles, and untucking her right leg from underneath her so she could get up to leave.

'If either Meredith or Paula had given vows anything like as genuine and heartfelt as that at either of my weddings, I've no doubt I would still be married to them'

She stopped and slowly turned her head towards Rick, 'Well I for one, am glad that you're not'.

'Kate, I'm not going to be able to forgive you straight away. It still hurts. But I want to. Of course I still care about you, and I want to know everything about you. I want to keep chipping away at those walls'

She hadn't realised he had been walking towards her, and she could feel his breath on her cheek as he spoke. She couldn't stop the shiver that escaped her.

'Are you cold? I'll find a blanket,' Rick said moving towards the linen cupboard nestled next to his kitchen. She grabbed his hand, and pulled his face back towards her. She shook her head, and felt a blush creep up her cheeks. With her head still ducked towards the ground, she looked up at him underneath her eyes, and caught the end of the knowing smile that had made its way onto his face. She chuckled to herself for being caught out, and slumped her head onto Rick's shoulder. Well he had said he wanted to know her. She supposed that knowing what affect his being this close in proximity to her, had on her, was a good place to start.

She felt a warm hand being placed on her back, and leading her towards the leather couch that sat in the middle of Castle's lounge. As he sat down, and pulled Kate into his side, he said, 'Why tonight, why did you come tonight?' He needed an answer, he deserved an answer to that question, but that's all she managed to think before the warmness and the relief washed over her and pulled her into a deep and comfortable sleep.

The only sound Castle heard in response to his question was, 'I had….', and then a small sigh as he felt her relax in her arms. He smiled to himself, if this was what drifting off to sleep with Kate in his arms was like, he could definitely get used to it. In the morning she would be able to tell him what had happened. She was exhausted, he could tell, he just hoped that whatever had gone on tonight, would make her stronger, and not break her.


End file.
